So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think your dad took our porno
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
