If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
