As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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