Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize