Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
