I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
