Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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