I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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