And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
