she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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