Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
