My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
