My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
