almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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