Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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