playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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