so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
