Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize