i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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