You just made me feel so damn special
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
