I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
