I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
