just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
