I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
