Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
