hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
