Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
