i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize