Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
