Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
