when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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