You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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