i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
