This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
