Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
