Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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