so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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