I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
