My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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