So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
