I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
