i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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