I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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