My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
