Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
