So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Plan B is the new Plan A
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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