It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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