That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think your dad took our porno
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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