I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
