Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize