is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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