dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
