20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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