Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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