Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
