I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
