so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
