I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
