Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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