Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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