True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize