You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
