kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
