omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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