I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
