I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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