Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
