Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
