census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
