No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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