Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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