I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
