So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
