her vagina looked like bernie madoff
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
